DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: THE NEED TO PREACH DIVORCE IN MARRIAGES

These days, no day passes without one hearing of a horrible sad case of domestic violence or two, and the most fearful part of it is the fact that victims of domestic violence usually do not speak out or ask for a divorce at the initial stages of it till they are almost battling for their life and this largely to the sad reality that the Nigerian society frowns and looks down on divorced or separated couples especially the women. This morning, I read the case of a woman whose husband broke her two limbs after he mercilessly beat her to a pulp and locked her up for two days without medical attention, claiming that she was having an affair with a 16 year old boy. 

In Nigerian daily, the rate at which domestic violence is on the rise is alarming, people need to be made to realize that there is always an option of a divorce. Covering up the bruises in the bid to save face or shield the abuser will only make things worse. Honestly, I really do not know who to put the blame on. I don’t know if I should blame the legal community or the government. The legal community- for most of the times they have left the culprits of domestic violence go free with the flimsy reason that ‘it’s a family issue’ and so should be settled at home between the families involved, and this is at the expense of one’s life, or the government for not setting up ACTIVE organizations to handle domestic violence issues. Even the NGO’s that say they handle Domestic violence cases turn out to be practicing the very thing they claim to be against. Recently, the media was filled with the horrible and pathetic story of a star actress who suffered domestic violence in the hands of her husband who has one of the biggest NGO’s against domestic violence in the country. In Nigeria 95% of domestic violence related issues are not paid attention to until it results to death of one party or a near death situation.

The sad but true reality to this effect is the belief in almost all the cultures in Nigeria that it is socially acceptable to hit a woman in order to discipline her. In fact I have seen cases where young wives who seek help and complain of their spouses being violent towards them are turned back by their parents, society and told to endure it for the sake of their homes. No one tells a woman to divorce a man who hits her in Nigeria until it’s too late and these are the kind of knowledge that the male folks in Nigeria are aware of which empowers in their own way.  Now, with this knowledge at hand, some men take pleasure in hitting their wives because they know, she will always be scared and ashamed to speak out and when she eventually does, she will be told to endure for the sake of building a home and no one will penalize him for the wrong acts. 

Accepted, marriage is not a bed of roses, but then, it should not be a bed of thorns spread out by the husband. There should be a line that should not be crossed. The legal community and the government in Nigeria need to revisit the laws against domestic violence, resound the option of divorce and begin to see and handle it if possible, more as a psychological disorder because the violent behavior of some men if checked properly are deep rooted in their subconscious and most of it springs from the times that they have watched their parents fight, father hit their mothers without being punished for it and the silent and helpless manner their mothers endure the abusive acts and so, when these young boys grow up and get married, despite telling themselves to do and be better than their parents, they end up towing in that same abusive paths and see nothing wrong in it. 

A gender equality bill was swiftly rejected by the Nigeria National Assembly recently despite the fact that so many people rose to push for its reality, and though due to the backlash received from the general public, the bill has been reintroduced in the Senate, looking at the number and caliber of prominent and top people in the society who spoke against it, I fear that bill might not see the light of the day. 

Now this is just one of the so many reasons why domestic violence in Nigeria is mostly overlooked and pushed aside, giving the male folk the leverage to carry on with their abusive behavior towards their wives. The society needs to be made aware of the importance of divorce in such situations. The unspoken stigma attached to divorced women especially need to be addressed and broken.